We all know one person

As we approach the end of 2023, I want you to reflect back on the days that consumed it.   Ask yourself, how did each one make you feel, including those that were involved in those days? We are given 365 each year, to give and receive others love and energy.  If you feel those in a healthy way, you have been blessed.  If not, take a moment to evaluate them and what your gut was telling you.  Was it something you could rest your head down to or did you stay up at night wondering if it is right?   I have told others that if you can rest your head at night, knowing you've done all you can then you can say you've lived your life by the values you believe in.  If not, then change needs to happen and it can only start with you.  Be accountable for yourself. Remember, everyone's interests are not the same as your own and sometimes, others will take more from you than you are capable of giving.  Don't sacrifice yourself to be less so that you love someone more.  Draw those line

I've said many times, that life will challenge us.  That being said, learning from these challenges and growing are key.  We can not point a finger to blame, as easy as it sounds.  When doing so, it inhibits our personal growth, learning from the experience and making the change to become better.   It seems as though it can be difficult but keep it simple.  2+2=4 right?  Well, if we take that equation we see the answer clearly.  As a wee child, learning and understanding it is what we feel is elementary however, until we know better we don't become better.  It can be as simple as that.   Don't get stuck in the details, look at life simply without the complications our minds put in front of each task daily.  What are your goals and objectives and how do you get to the end result?  By taking one step at a time.  If you walk 1 mile a day, that equates to 365 miles in a year.   Love today and try your best not to live with regrets.  Rest your head at night, knowing you've d

One of my closest friends and I had a discussion about life and relationships the other day.  Denise as always, put it so eloquently.   "I want to live an extraordinary life."  It struck me. Daily, for the most part we wake up, do the routine in our lives before heading out the door to what we do that helps pay the bills and puts food on our tables.  I pondered this for a wee bit knowing, I am one of those.  Trying though to be as present as possible in the moments that pass though the day, I seek opportunity to make change. Why do I do this you ask? I want to live an extraordinary life, making a positive change, not only for myself but those I am blessed to be around.  Even if I don't know you.   Choices to give me the mental acuity to press forward, the emotional equanimity to face each challenge even when I don't see through the darkness when in a moment of doubt.   It is I, who choose to live an extraordinary life and if those who know me, choose to come along for

I’ve had this sorted history of what I thought love was and for the most part, when it came to romantic relationships I’ve not had success.  After leaving my last one, I became determined to never repeat this pattern and to work on myself first.   I’ve been doing this for just over a year now and I must say, the hardest part in life at this moment is breaking old habits.  This of course, has come with friends and family who have shown me unconditional love.  I started therapy shortly after returning, becoming accountable for my actions but also, allowing all the emotions that come up to be faced fully with questions and of course, answers. This weekend was no exception. I was with a friend and they showed me something I didn’t think possible.   How to breathe through my emotions.   Their grace put a wee bit of gold on the part of my heart I thought was never going to heal.  I wanted to run when they did something innocently.  I wanted to just be alone when they held me and told me to t

Years ago, my older son and I moved in with my father.  We had to restart life and with his support, love and guidance we did our best.  I had fallen far from a healthy life.  Being in my early 20's with a 2 year old, it wasn't clear for myself how to start. Dad would often tell me that when I start to keep it simple.  I couldn't figure that out at the time but he did not enable me to become dependent.  Quite the opposite, he gave me the insight that it was all my choice on how to move forward.   Making goals, return to physical fitness, focus on my financial goals, and become a positive example to my son.  Having no transportation so my way to work was by foot which was just over 1 mile one way.  I couldn't see how this would be possible but he said, "Nicky, if you do 20 minutes a day you'll start seeing a difference."  So I did.  My physical shape increased and I saved money by walking.  By the end of the year, I saved enough to get my drivers license an

I've tried to write over the last few days and found it a wee bit difficult.  As each post I've made in the past, I've been honest and vulnerable.  Life as we all know, ebbs and flows.  The most difficult task in this is knowing that we cannot control outcomes.  Being present in the moment is truly the most important.  Listening with the intent to listen.  This is something I've worked hard on and will do so each single day I breathe.   No matter the choices others make, we can only be responsible for our own.  It shatters my heart knowing that someone out there has made a choice to which their outcome will not only be negative, but will effect many others.   When you choose to react in life, try to see how it will cause a ripple effect.  How will, what you say or do makes a difference in others lives, as well your own.   I've said in the past, that when you lay down at night to rest your head and heart, knowing you've done all that you could in a healthy and lo

Shame.  It’s a heavy weight to carry yet we all do it. From being a young child to a grown adult, I look back and have felt this throughout life.  The shame though, isn’t on me completely and recognizing this now I feel free.   Why? Those choices I made were to survive and heal.   From what others choose and to that end, I recognize where the shame lies and for those who drove a nail deep down, forcing a hand to which I did not want to choose.   The most freeing part of it is that I will carry on.  To become more, to show others how to survive the storm of shame and to become stronger.   I am not what others try to define of me, I am what I choose and shame is not part of that path and has no room in my life any longer.  

Typically, when I write it is a self reflection. Among others I am not without flaws or imperfections. Struggling with past words are one of my biggest downfalls.  I’m trying though and it is hard.  If I communicate with someone on how I feel or share an intimate detail it is because I care. Enough about you and about me.  Life gives us experiences and we all need to learn from them, including myself. Bridging the gap is hard but what is harder is doing it alone.  Don’t push those who care for you or even love you away but be there to simply listen

I'm stuck at home, sick and going nuts.  Watching a series which is something I do not do often.  Rather, being outside, or surrounded by those who love me, as I am. It got me thinking though..  What exactly is love? Love is not, Confining Controlling Demeaning Hurtful Resentful  Love is, Freeing Supportive Kind Empowering Forgiving  Friends and family who love me unconditionally have shown these and to prove this point, I will say this. Love is not always spoken with the four letters, as I use to come to expect from my father while I was leaving from each visit.  Love sounds like this. I believe in you I've got you You can do this I am proud of you Love does not have to come from someone else though.  Love can come from within.  Before you rest your head tonight and for each day moving forward, tell yourself these.  Remind yourself that

Today, like every day I rest my mind and take deep breaths.  I suppose some might consider that meditation, which it is to some extent.   I breathe in, reflect with gratitude and hold it for a moment.  Then with my exhale, take out the trash. What is the trash that leaves my mind with the exhale? Events I had no control over.  When I wanted to react out of emotion and the feelings of inadequacy.  These moments are fleeting but over time, they add up and cause a build of of what I call trash.   There is no place in my mind and heart to hold on to this, so with each exhale I take it out and let it go.  I have said over and over, if you've done right today you can rest your head and sleep well.  Don't carry the guilt that others attempt to put on you, it will weigh you down.  Don't hold onto anger or sorrow they do no good.   Tonight before you fall asleep, close your eyes, take a deep breath and take out the trash.     

Before you read the below, please note that some of the content can be difficult to read.  If you are a survivor of child abuse, know you can reach out at any time and ask for help without shame. Let me share with you an event about a young girl who became a woman.   She was 10 years of age when it started to happen.  Secrets she was told not to share, ones that began shame.  Trying to crawl out of the moments they happened, she stopped believing in herself.   "Let's pretend superhero's.  One of us will be the bad guy, one will be Superman who will, come and save you.  Just lay here and be as quiet as possible so they can't be found."  The following several years it continued to happen.  She kept it inside, believing she was the problem.  It wasn't until she turned 16 when, with a friend she pressed charges.  The support wasn't given to her but to the "others" and she left to live with a foster family.  One who encouraged her to become more, desp

What is the worst thing to take to our graves, yet this is done every single day?  We never hear from the ones that have left, their missed opportunities however, we know they exist.  These are regrets. No matter the difficulty in life, they are still blessings as we need to be aware of the beauty if loss.  I, of course, can only speak for myself.  Being that I was raised in a diverse family, blended from different branches in life, I was afforded the opportunity to experience and live with my eyes open and a heart that was granted the gifts of growth through life’s experiences. Being at the age of 5 years, I was ignorant to what life had to offer, including an abundance of clothing.  When a stranger took me to a local shopping center to purchase shoes for me, returning me safety home, all without my family knowing I left with a stranger all I knew was I had in my possession 3 new pairs of shoes.  Ignorance is bliss?   At the fresh age of 5, I had no bias, fear, doubt, and every day, I

There is a place and time for each of us. We start, grow and become.  I’ve been asked why I started this blog and why I called it “We all know one person”  Let me explain.  Years ago as a young girl, I was faced with the choice to make a change in life. Not just for myself but for others. It catapulted the direction of my life, creating gratitude when I was down inside a place of darkness. When asked why I became, I explained that without gratitude I would have become a statistic. I would have remained in the hole, possibly with addiction issues, depression and a life not worth living.  Although the following 20 years I thought things were going in a direction I wanted it forced me to make another big decision. To walk away from what I thought happiness was. In reality, I was not respecting my own values and had to choose to honour who I was deep down inside.  After that life change, I was determined to share my stories and help others become. I watched the progression of others in sim

Often, like many some days can be a struggle.  I’ve learnt to take those and put them in a bin after processing the negative thoughts, discarding them. Life has ebbed and flowed, with many experiences I would like to wish never happened.  The truth is, they happened and have made me more resilient than expected.  From a young girl to a grown woman, I wouldn’t be who I am today and for that I am full of gratitude.  This thought process has not come easy and there have been days I didn’t want it to continue.  I choose to carry on, knowing that tomorrow is another day, with an opportunity to turn things around.   Starting over happens to everyone, all the time.  You are not alone and it is important to know how loved you are, even when you feel alone. Mum use to tell me that no one can love me until I loved myself and to this day, it holds true.   The secret, if there is one, is to know that when you lay your head down at night, reflect on the good things, knowing you put your best foot f

In a world full of anger and mistrust there is more.  Before I go on, let me explain that no matter how small you feel, you can make a difference. Such as the pebble in your shoe. I’ve created a life in which happiness is not gifted but created at each moment given.   Always being up early, I come sit outside and take deep breaths with gratitude.  Not being of any specific faith, I give thanks for the opportunity to live life again today.  I then reflect on the previous days actions that were taken by myself and see the beauty, even in the struggles. Refusing to let them get inside my head, I put them in a bin and close the lid.  A practice I’ve learnt during EMDR therapy. It’s been almost a year since I choose to leave unhealthy and become more.   Each day, while I commute to work I listen to a podcast that sets the day for myself.  It’s part of my own process.   While at work, I carefully plan the day, filling my journal after each task checking them off.  This holds myself accountab

Moving forward can be difficult but in order to do this, one must stand still.  This means, you take inventory of your life, where it was, where it is and of course, where you want it to be.   Where it was.. Look back at the days before this moment and ask yourself what you were thinking about in relation to your goals.  What steps did you need to take to overcome the moment that froze you in a decision? Was the adversity putting your ability to move forward at a stand still? Where it is.. In this moment, you have a choice.  To become more than, better than and see the ability to do so, even with the fear of overcoming? Where you want it to be.. If you allow the fear to overcome what you know is needed, moving forward will almost always be the barrier to becoming.  The elephant tied to the chair will stop from moving, when in fact it was simply inside their mind.   Don’t let your thoughts become your reality.  Take a knife and cut that rope, free yourself from what stops you from where

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but raising every time we fall.” Every day we wake are are given a choice in life.  To do better than yesterday or to repeat exactly what we’ve done the day before.  It can be as simple as being awake.  Knowing our failure and making the decision to become more.   Last year, around this time, I was facing what I felt was insurmountable stress.  While attempting to communicate to someone my worries, they kept asking to fill their cup when my own was more than empty.  My health was going down hill and no matter what I did, it was not enough.  Choosing to walk away after attempts to resolve issues, work on building a path I thought was right.   Making a change that I was terrified to do, not allowing it to repeat to the point of my personal health being impacted that I would end up in the hospital or worse.   Returning to my home city, surrounded by family and friends who love and support me, I have discovered that change is always good, challen

I have to give myself a kick some days.   Cheering on friends, family and coworkers, even strangers.  You can do this, you’ve got it and of course, it was always within you to do all you feared you couldn’t. I forget to tell myself these. One of the quotes that slips into my mind is “Doing the same thing over and over is the definition of insanity.”  Here I am though, looking down a path I fear to go as I know how difficult it will be.  Emotionally mostly.  Facing something that needs to be done.  Not being a stranger to paths that are unpaved, I know full well what is in front of me.  It’s taken almost a year to face this and I am ready.   What I’ve learnt is this.. Nothing will change unless the steps are taken forward.  Looking back does nothing good however, when it is required, a glimpse back gives fortitude to move forward.   I am, like you, worth it and never accept anything less than. No, is a complete sentence. Be honest with yourself and love yourself first. Your path was nev

I’ve spoken of parts in my life that were difficult however, not my personal accountability to them.   As a child, with the trauma faced I still choose to see the brighter side of life.  Giving empathy to the abusers, and the ones who failed to protect me however, I also choose to try to break the cycle.  Laying charges and having them become accountable for their actions, they admitted fully all of what they did. During court, the judge asked me what I wanted.  This was a pivotal point in my life.  What happened to them next was in my hands.  Jail or mandatory counselling.  I asked for what I thought was best, counselling.  Attending counselling before, during and after court, I worked to recognize it was not my fault.   What I didn’t do after created the paths I travelled for years to come. What I didn’t do? Not work on validating or putting myself first.  Learning all of this by carrying the burden of laying charges and being told it would ruin their lives, that I was the problem. L

Here's the thing, life happens and we can become the sum of those events.  Or, we can choose to become more than. I recall as a child my mother having the below photo on the wall.  Little did she know the impact of it in my life. The truth of this is, we carry the above through out life but the choice is ours.  Living in grief of what could have been, what we've lost and the pain we have all endured.  Changing our behaviors are difficult, I know this for sure as I strive to do it daily.   I will not be the child survivor of sexual abuse or the woman who walked through domestic violence but the person who shared her stories to help others through their darkest moments.  I choose to become better than yesterday and crush though each goal set in front of me.  This is accountability and I challenge you to do the same. Not letting the past define you but let it be the stepping stone to who you are to become.  

2013 was the first time I experienced losing a light.  She brought joy and laughter to everyone around.  Her strength surpassed any woman I have known and will ever meet.  Overcoming and with all she faced, her beauty was beyond measure. 2019 took 2 of the most important men in my life.  My protectors, loves my heart.  I cannot say I've recovered, and deep down I never will.  They gave me unconditional love teaching me emotional equanimity.  Perhaps back then I didn't see it but the strength they gave, I returned as I sat with them on their last breaths along with their light. Why am I reflecting on these moments?   Your light is impacting those around without knowing.  Give the light to others you have been given.  Pass on the love and strength, even if you feel you don't have it.  If you feel it's not going to make a difference, trust me when I tell you.. it does. Tomorrow will be 4 years since Dale left this world.  He went on to a place with no pain, no restrictions

I will say all day, every day..  Do it..   Take the walk, read the book, play that song loud and sing along.  Work on something new and become a master at it.  If you don't, that's okay too.  Love yourself unconditionally, work towards goals, create your passion and live in the moment.   I will also say..  Do not.. Put yourself last, forget friends and family.  Put off what you can do right now, keep your voice silent to save others. Stop living, laughing and singing.   Your life is exactly this..  Yours. When we stop putting value in ourselves, others will as well.  Do it, everything and in this moment.  Laugh, and remember presents are not items, it is this very moment.  

Time has given us all life experiences, to which we make the choice of reaction.  I celebrate life daily with moments of gratitude, including the small ones.   In the everyday moments, we can grasp the beauty.  Even the ones that challenge us.   For myself as a young girl, young adult and grown woman facing each challenge was a stepping stone to who I've become.  Not without the butterflies that helped carry me.  When I reflect on this, the moments they did, I started to become.  Out of the darkness which consumed the thoughts deep within my mind, seeing the beauty that would happen.  Far from perfection or the need to be, I've become more than anticipated.  I choose to see light, beauty and refuse to see less than.   Today, I challenge you to see the beauty in all around you.  See kindness in a strangers smile, a brief conversation with a friend or the breath you take.  

In 2017, while away on vacation in another province the opportunity presented itself to climb to the peek of Thanksgiving mountain. Not knowing the guides, area or having the necessary items for safety the leap was something my heart guided.   At the base I met the group, prepared then started the ascent.  While being educated on various sights, my breath was taken away.  Beauty and this life experience was far beyond my expectations.  We hit sub alpine and then the peek.  I took a moment alone and the biggest breath in my life.  It was something unexpected yet the most rewarding.   Today, if you are given the opportunity to challenge yourself, to try and to become, then do it.  Without reservations, expectations or fear.   Each moment in my own personal life has helped create the woman I am today.  No matter the level of difficulty, I will rise up to the challenge and do my personal best.  Today, I choose happiness. On our way up Sub alpine The guides Success! Kindness The view

 I’ve written to my younger self, about what to avoid and what to cherish.  The truth is, we need to start writing to ourselves now.  We need to listen to the narrative that repeats daily which takes away who we truly are.  The narrative which we put stock into that shouldn’t have power.  Yet it happens.  When someone tells you that it’s not possible or you are not capable.  The one that takes away your joy or confidence.   Today, before you hit the pillow I want you to reflect on your successes.  Did you do what was right, when the time called on you?  Did you step away from something that could harm yourself or others?  Did you give yourself a positive affirmation that changed a course of action?   I’ll bet you did one of those things and that is a success.   Remember, success isn’t measured by financial means, it is something you feel and no one except yourself can take away.  Cherish the moment, be present in it and reward yourself with a good nights sleep. Love always, Nicky Xx

I've been picking at this post for a few weeks now.  In reflection I see that my hesitation is purely based on my own growth.  Moving forward without emotion is tough and to distance ones self from this isn't necessary what is needed.  I implore you to sit with them and allow each to move through yourself as I try each and every day.   A measuring stick is used to physically measure distance.   In life it can be used for personal growth.    Reflecting on the 50 years granted thus far, I choose personal growth daily, not being the same person I was and always having the desire to become more, being present. Growth means that one may not choose the same patterns from their past but to rip apart the sheets of history to do more for ourselves.  Einstein said,  "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again, expecting different results."  If you want to grow, make the change, push yourself.  Use your ruler as a way to measure your growth.  Step out of your

We all face moments of darkness to which our will is tested.   I've been there, walking down the corridor hands along the walls, feeling my way.  Trusting the steps in front of me, not knowing where it leads.   Being doubtful of myself, fearful of others but knowing the light on the other side would breathe life back into my soul.   The Wizard of Oz, a fable of a young person who felt lost and kept trying to find the way home.  The other charters represent what they feared or struggled with.   The tornado, Witches, a Scarecrow, a Cowardly lion, the Tin man, Toto her dog and the Wizard of Oz and finally the red shoes.  Each of these represented something different for each of us but at the end Dorothy discovers she had it within her to make the trip home.   If you ever doubt that you could make it back to who you were or where you need to be, believe in yourself as she discovered in the end.   Darkness did not overcome, light did.  Hatred did not win, love did.  Be the light and lov

I cannot begin to express the gratitude which lays within my heart daily from family and friends being steadfast in my life, no matter what.  Today, among several over the past 6 + months, the path I've been granted has provided life with an abundance of love. Recently, I watched an animated movie (the read the book) called, "The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse".  One of the quotes from this movie was; The boy and the horse are in the woods, and the boy said to the horse "I can't see the way through" The horse said "Can you see your next step? The boy said "Yes" The horse said, "Then just take that" Today, I joined a friend to do a painting, and the photo of this which is above is the result of the class today.  When I got home, I realized how much this hit home.  From my journey, if I could pass a wee bit of wisdom, it would be this.   Love, Nicky

It's been some time since I've written.  To be honest, I was going through some life changes and was focusing on the next step.  Not knowing where things would lead, trusting the path proved to be difficult and at times, and I wanted to throw in the towel.  Mentally and physically I didn't know if I could do what was needed.   That being said, a light shone each time I turned a corner.  It became brighter with each step forward.  Being terrified if the turns were up or down at times felt insurmountable.   After an unhealthy marriage, I had entered into an unhealthy relationship, which to this day, if I had stayed, would not have ended the way my heart wanted.   So, here I am again facing life on my own.  This time, fixing things that needed to be addressed years ago.  Not knowing what tomorrow will bring, it still will come and when it does, things will be okay. Why am I expressing this today?   I want YOU to know it will be okay.  You can make goals but know the results no

Let go, let be  is also known as mindfulness. Some feel that holding onto anger is justification to our pain.  What we tend to forget is that when doing so, we hurt ourselves more.   I had been around someone in a past where they were angry at everything and everyone, they felt did them wrong. No matter how much I tried, there was always justification to how they felt.  My well became completely dry trying to fill theirs up.  Not understanding their inability to focus on the future, seeing the beauty in the smallest of actions or what surrounded them. Walking away from what almost destroyed me was a difficult choice, not done with a light heart.  I choose not to become like them. I will say this time and time again.   When we hold onto anger, it is similar to holding hot coal.  It will hurt and eventually burn you.  Your life is what you make of it.  The choices, the actions and the reactions.  Control is an illusion to which we give unnecessary power.   Let go and let be.  You will be

Faith in others and myself, doing what I believed was right has kept me moving forward.  I am aware though, some do not have your best interest at heart and when you encounter this, it can cause psychological struggles, and possibly damage, including trauma.   When experiencing these behaviours, we need to be accountable for our selves, our reactions and our healing.   Not often are we given the opportunity to face those who have done the harm but if given the chance, you may encounter an apology from the other person(s).  They may then, expect your forgiveness, and ultimately, absolution.  It is from my own experience of childhood & adult trauma, that neither are necessary or a give in.   Let me expand on my personal experience, with as much grace and vulnerability as possible. I was around 15 when flashbacks started.  Recalling sexual abuse from family members, following the disclosure that one of their partners was expecting a child and it was a girl.  My fight or flight kicked