Value yourself enough

I’ve spoken of parts in my life that were difficult however, not my personal accountability to them.  

As a child, with the trauma faced I still choose to see the brighter side of life.  Giving empathy to the abusers, and the ones who failed to protect me however, I also choose to try to break the cycle.  Laying charges and having them become accountable for their actions, they admitted fully all of what they did.

During court, the judge asked me what I wanted.  This was a pivotal point in my life.  What happened to them next was in my hands.  Jail or mandatory counselling.  I asked for what I thought was best, counselling.  Attending counselling before, during and after court, I worked to recognize it was not my fault.  

What I didn’t do after created the paths I travelled for years to come.

What I didn’t do?

Not work on validating or putting myself first.  Learning all of this by carrying the burden of laying charges and being told it would ruin their lives, that I was the problem.

Later in life, searching for someone to give me what I thought I needed.  I failed to recognize was validating feelings and putting myself first, feeling those actions were selfish.  However, over time recognizing what life was turning into was exactly what I did not want, starting to say no and eventually walking away and learning, I can do this on my own.

Now, I will take accountability for the parts I speak of and work towards changing the paths.  They are of course, the life I am choosing to live.  I have told others that the only thing we can control is our reactions to others action, giving us equanimity in life.  

May you find accountability in life and put yourself first.  Value yourself enough to know when to say no and when to say yes.