The healing journey

Faith in others and myself, doing what I believed was right has kept me moving forward.  I am aware though, some do not have your best interest at heart and when you encounter this, it can cause psychological struggles, and possibly damage, including trauma.  

When experiencing these behaviours, we need to be accountable for our selves, our reactions and our healing.  

Not often are we given the opportunity to face those who have done the harm but if given the chance, you may encounter an apology from the other person(s).  They may then, expect your forgiveness, and ultimately, absolution.  It is from my own experience of childhood & adult trauma, that neither are necessary or a give in.  

Let me expand on my personal experience, with as much grace and vulnerability as possible.

I was around 15 when flashbacks started.  Recalling sexual abuse from family members, following the disclosure that one of their partners was expecting a child and it was a girl.  My fight or flight kicked in, I confronted them and they tossed me across the room, resulting in broken ribs.  A day later, I confided in a friend who encouraged me to press charges.  Shortly after filing a statement, I was put into counselling and foster care.  

At 16 years old, I faced the reality of an unhealthy childhood, abandonment as my family choose to take the abusers side.  Although the abusers "apologized" I was told to forgive them, and this action I was taking would tear the family apart.  I stood my ground with the charges and was asked in court, what I wanted the abusers to face.  Juvenile detention or mandatory counselling.  

I choose the latter, with the gut feeling that they too, had been abused.  I choose to forgive them, feeling it would help with their journey.  

What I did not know was this.. 

Forgiveness is not absolution.  I am, in no means one to grant this, however I have the ability to recognize that as well. 

When you are of similar circumstance, it is up to you to face the trauma, work on healing and create resolution on this.  If the three are not met, then you may carry forward the trauma to others. 

After a few failed relationships I recognize in myself the areas I need to work on. 

1. It is my responsibility to heal, no one else's and, it will take time.

2. I am not required to have relationships with others who have caused harm or trauma, no matter their position in my life.

3. Boundaries are for myself, not others.  If they choose to not respect them, I will walk away now.  Not years later. 

Healing is a journey that only you can do.  It is your responsibility alone.  You do not have to forgive them but you NEED to forgive you, love you and know that none of this is your fault.