We all know one person

I’ve had this sorted history of what I thought love was and for the most part, when it came to romantic relationships I’ve not had success.  After leaving my last one, I became determined to never repeat this pattern and to work on myself first.   I’ve been doing this for just over a year now and I must say, the hardest part in life at this moment is breaking old habits.  This of course, has come with friends and family who have shown me unconditional love.  I started therapy shortly after returning, becoming accountable for my actions but also, allowing all the emotions that come up to be faced fully with questions and of course, answers. This weekend was no exception. I was with a friend and they showed me something I didn’t think possible.   How to breathe through my emotions.   Their grace put a wee bit of gold on the part of my heart I thought was never going to heal.  I wanted to run when they did something innocently.  I wanted to just be alone when they held me and told me to t

Years ago, my older son and I moved in with my father.  We had to restart life and with his support, love and guidance we did our best.  I had fallen far from a healthy life.  Being in my early 20's with a 2 year old, it wasn't clear for myself how to start. Dad would often tell me that when I start to keep it simple.  I couldn't figure that out at the time but he did not enable me to become dependent.  Quite the opposite, he gave me the insight that it was all my choice on how to move forward.   Making goals, return to physical fitness, focus on my financial goals, and become a positive example to my son.  Having no transportation so my way to work was by foot which was just over 1 mile one way.  I couldn't see how this would be possible but he said, "Nicky, if you do 20 minutes a day you'll start seeing a difference."  So I did.  My physical shape increased and I saved money by walking.  By the end of the year, I saved enough to get my drivers license an

I've tried to write over the last few days and found it a wee bit difficult.  As each post I've made in the past, I've been honest and vulnerable.  Life as we all know, ebbs and flows.  The most difficult task in this is knowing that we cannot control outcomes.  Being present in the moment is truly the most important.  Listening with the intent to listen.  This is something I've worked hard on and will do so each single day I breathe.   No matter the choices others make, we can only be responsible for our own.  It shatters my heart knowing that someone out there has made a choice to which their outcome will not only be negative, but will effect many others.   When you choose to react in life, try to see how it will cause a ripple effect.  How will, what you say or do makes a difference in others lives, as well your own.   I've said in the past, that when you lay down at night to rest your head and heart, knowing you've done all that you could in a healthy and lo

Shame.  It’s a heavy weight to carry yet we all do it. From being a young child to a grown adult, I look back and have felt this throughout life.  The shame though, isn’t on me completely and recognizing this now I feel free.   Why? Those choices I made were to survive and heal.   From what others choose and to that end, I recognize where the shame lies and for those who drove a nail deep down, forcing a hand to which I did not want to choose.   The most freeing part of it is that I will carry on.  To become more, to show others how to survive the storm of shame and to become stronger.   I am not what others try to define of me, I am what I choose and shame is not part of that path and has no room in my life any longer.