Winning thoughts..

If I could tell my younger self something it would be ..

Trust in the journey.

I can reflect on the hardships in this life over and over again but I’d rather reflect on the lessons, the rewards and the moments that brought me to where I am now.  

Everyone has struggles, every single person.  The magnitude of them ranges on the recovery time.  It’s similar to surgery.  We all go in with expectations and come out with the task of rebuilding and recovery.  The time it takes is truly up to us as an individual.  Often, when recovery doesn’t go the way we thought, it can be something that was on our plate, not anyone else’s.  

I was a child, not knowing my value as I struggled with abuse and at the age of 16 I left moving into a foster home, then becoming a mother at 18.  I knew the relationship I was in wasn’t right for us so we choose to go on our own ways in under a year.  A few years pass, not giving myself the right amount of value, I sought it out from another.  

This wasn’t the answer either and for almost 20 years, I gave up and gave in.  I did however, see that it was going terribly wrong and if I didn’t make a choice soon, I would have been lost forever, never knowing how I could become.  

With all the fear in the world, I walked away.  I left a job I felt that wasn’t me, I needed to challenge who I was with being as honest as possible. I wouldn’t ever be lost again.

I tried a few times, working in a field where I was giving back, as it felt natural to me.  After 2 years, I discovered, I didn’t have to work in that field if I could still do it on my own time.  That giving back didn’t mean working in it as well.  I was slowing draining.  

Taking another leap of faith, I made a professional choice not knowing where it would land me but I had to have faith, that was the key in my heart.  

Along this journey, I have been granted the ability to meet some amazing, kind hearted, like minded people who have showed me how trust and the right thing will lead you to the path you should be on.  

Now looking back..

That young girl who confided in a friend, may not have seen the blessing but was protected.  

The young woman who made the choice to carry on with her child had been taught the value of life, including her own.

The experienced woman in me now, looks back at every single step and sees the beauty in each challenge, sees the priceless moments and understands how beautifully life fit together, no matter the circumstance.  This woman, who sits looking outside a window at the moment, typing her thoughts understands now what matters, her own value and trusts in the recovery and will keep on working to fulfill whatever comes her way.  

So, to a younger me...

It’s going to be okay.  

You’ve not won a cash lottery but you are richer than ever and some may never understand this.